The first interview

As we were driving into the city to meet our social worker I was feeling anxious. I kept thinking about how first impressions last and how we would soon be meeting the lady who would decide if we are fit to be parents. Who would decide if we are going to have a baby, or not.

At the orientation it was mentioned that we should be about 30 minutes early for our meeting, as parking in Johannesburg can be a nightmare. We arrived at the offices about two minutes before nine. Our meeting was scheduled for nine. The receptionist would not even listen to my husband announcing that we had an appointment before she had helped (counselled?) two other people. I kept worrying that our social worker would think that we were late and not serious about this. We waited a while longer for her to come fetch us. When she eventually came out, I realised that all my worries had been for nothing.  She was warm, friendly and inviting. She immediately made me feel at ease.

The interview didn't take nearly as long as I had expected. It was also not as intrusive as I had been led to believe that these interviews can be. After reading various blogs, I was expecting old wounds to be opened and a lot of tears. She asked about our childhoods and our relationship with our families. She asked about friends and support systems and elaborated a bit about the difficulties some families face when they go through a transracial adoption and how easy it is for the child to feel like an outsider in all-white families. Since we already have people of colour in our family and friendship circles, she felt quite comfortable to give us a baby. I asked about the age of the baby, because, being first-time parents, we want to be part of as many milestones in our baby's life as possible. She agreed with this and also mentioned that, because we're still young, she thinks that we would cope with a young baby. I also mentioned the fact that we are specifically looking to adopt a boy. I expected a totally different reaction! Instead she responded that they were happy about this, as so many other couples request girls.

As we were walking out, two toddlers were in the hallway. Both of them girls. One of the little girls was walking in the wrong direction and I helped her to turn around. She immediately took my hand and would not let go. She must have heard me saying that I can't see myself raising a girl!

The next step in the process is to have a medical assessment done. We were given a list of practitioners that work with the agency and will make an appointment soon.

We are so happy that the process is officially on the way. Now to start stocking up on nappies and wet-wipes!

The first step

Today officially marks the first step in our adoption journey. After basic inquiries in November and a preliminary background form, we were invited to an orientation day through the agency.

The session today was extremely informative. The social workers spoke about every aspect of adoption and welcomed questions from the couples in attendance. I was happy to find the two social workers as very warm, open and approachable people. They made us feel at ease, while explaining the good and possible bad about adoption.

They started the session by telling us more about the agency. We have chosen to work though Johannesburg Child Welfare (http://www.jhbchildwelfare.org.za/). They receive about thirty abandoned babies every month. They also work with birth mothers who consent to give their baby up for adoption, children taken away from their families for various reasons, as well as child-headed households. The City of Johannesburg places most of these children in the care of Johannesburg Child Welfare.

In the five hour session, we came to understand the process of adoption better. There are no set rules about the length of time or number of interviews, as there are many factors that can influence this. We expect to be busy with the screening process for at least four months, but it could be a year. We will attend a number of interviews with the social worker assigned to us- anything from 4 to 6, or more- each lasting two to three hours. Apart from these interviews, we have do undergo a basic medical assessment, to check for underlying chronic conditions or disease that we are unaware of. We will also have a psychological assessment done, as well as a marriage assessment. Some people seem to find this process very intrusive. I suppose it can be, but these social workers need to make decisions that are in the best interest of the children in their custody. They need all the information that they can get about the families that want to adopt the children.

In South Africa, the Child Protection Act requires all persons who work with children to get a clearance from the police stating that they are not registered on the National Child Protection Register, as well as that they do not have a criminal record.

The social worker will also do a home visit and screen our support system. They explained how important our support system is and we are confident that the people close to us are just as excited about our baby as we are.

The inevitable race discussion also came up. Since we are applying for a transrace (or transculture) adoption, we need to be prepared for different reactions and questions, not only from strangers, but also from our child. I am glad that I already started reading some books and blogs and have been fairly prepared for all the questions and reactions up to this point. We are privileged to know another couple who have adopted two beautiful babies through transrace adoption and have already started to spend time with them. The social workers also referred us to a group of parents who have gone through the process and meet on a regular basis.

We are confident that we will find favour through the process and that God will give us our child at the right time, whether in four months time, or in a year's time. The process sounds daunting, but exciting at the same time!

(This photo was borrowed from Door of Hope Children' Mission. Please visit their website: http://www.doorofhope.co.za/ or facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/doorofhopeSA/info?tab=overview and make a donation!)