Why adoption?

I get an immense amount of sympathy. Usually from people that I've just met. Usually, these people make assumptions.

When I hear the words: "Can I ask you a personal question?" coming out of the mouth of someone I met a few minutes ago, I cringe. I cringe because I immediately know that this person is going to ask an extremely personal question. An irrelevant question and that has nothing to do with them.

And then it comes: "Did you struggle to fall pregnant?"

The reality is, no. We never tried to fall pregnant. Adoption was our first choice. I never had to deal with infertility issues. I'm lucky. But there are so many women out there who weren't as lucky as me. Women who tried everything to be able to carry a miracle inside their bodies. Women who have grieved losses that some of us will never understand. To some of these women, adoption wasn't their first choice. It was a last resort to have a family.

It doesn't matter why someone chose adoption. It doesn't take away from the fact that a new family was brought together through this act. Adoption is a gift that God gave so that people can understand how He adopted us through Christ. How we became fully His children.

Did you know that in many countries you are allowed to write biological children out of your will, but not adopted children? Adopted children become so much your own that you can't distance yourself from them from a legal perspective.

I believe that adoption, even with all the loss and heartache attached, is beautiful. Adopting a child is just as special as starting a family any other way. I often say that I could not have given birth to a child more my own that little Levi. He is so much more than I could ever have dreamt of. He is fully and completely mine. When I look into his eyes, I don't see my own reflected in them, but I see love. I see a love that is stronger than biology because it was a choice.

The first interview

As we were driving into the city to meet our social worker I was feeling anxious. I kept thinking about how first impressions last and how we would soon be meeting the lady who would decide if we are fit to be parents. Who would decide if we are going to have a baby, or not.

At the orientation it was mentioned that we should be about 30 minutes early for our meeting, as parking in Johannesburg can be a nightmare. We arrived at the offices about two minutes before nine. Our meeting was scheduled for nine. The receptionist would not even listen to my husband announcing that we had an appointment before she had helped (counselled?) two other people. I kept worrying that our social worker would think that we were late and not serious about this. We waited a while longer for her to come fetch us. When she eventually came out, I realised that all my worries had been for nothing.  She was warm, friendly and inviting. She immediately made me feel at ease.

The interview didn't take nearly as long as I had expected. It was also not as intrusive as I had been led to believe that these interviews can be. After reading various blogs, I was expecting old wounds to be opened and a lot of tears. She asked about our childhoods and our relationship with our families. She asked about friends and support systems and elaborated a bit about the difficulties some families face when they go through a transracial adoption and how easy it is for the child to feel like an outsider in all-white families. Since we already have people of colour in our family and friendship circles, she felt quite comfortable to give us a baby. I asked about the age of the baby, because, being first-time parents, we want to be part of as many milestones in our baby's life as possible. She agreed with this and also mentioned that, because we're still young, she thinks that we would cope with a young baby. I also mentioned the fact that we are specifically looking to adopt a boy. I expected a totally different reaction! Instead she responded that they were happy about this, as so many other couples request girls.

As we were walking out, two toddlers were in the hallway. Both of them girls. One of the little girls was walking in the wrong direction and I helped her to turn around. She immediately took my hand and would not let go. She must have heard me saying that I can't see myself raising a girl!

The next step in the process is to have a medical assessment done. We were given a list of practitioners that work with the agency and will make an appointment soon.

We are so happy that the process is officially on the way. Now to start stocking up on nappies and wet-wipes!